House news! **Warning, LONG POST**

 We went yesterday to see the two homes and the first one we saw was the short sale. It's a great house in that it was all brick, had an enormous backyard, totally fenced, and had a bonus upstairs. Huge negative factor was that there's a storage company practically at the end of the back yard. Other things we didn't like, it needed some work, too far from town, small master, and it was a short sale. So, that was a no go.

Then....

We went to see the other house and when I walked in I think I fell in love, lol. I haven't had a house I liked this much since last fall when we started house hunting. This house needs absolutely no work done. You should see the deck! It's gorgeous. The backyard is so private and there's no one behind you. The lot is .75 acres! The house is adorable and small but practically perfect for us. We do have negatives though. The master bath and closet are small, ok almost too small. We're struggling with that, trying to think that we can deal with it since there are 2 other bedrooms. Hmmm maybe we should get rid of some junk?! So, we've decided to put in an offer but will not go higher than what we want. If they don't accept it then we walk. I'll post pictures after everything is done if we end up getting the house.

It's funny how many thoughts and ideas go through your head when you're looking for your first home. A lot of stress has to do with the fact we have a son on the way and we want the best for him, we're not sure if we're jumping the gun, what are our chances of reselling in 5-6 years, etc. This is the biggest decision I've had to make when it comes to money. This economy doesn't help either. It feels like a big gambling game. Maybe life is just a gamble. Normally, I wouldn't be so scared, but having a baby changes your views. I'm not thinking of myself anymore. I wear baby D lens 24/7.


Speaking of baby, I'm also coming to another conclusion. To not go with the birth center come hell or high water. To just birth at the hospital. I know, here we go again on Joanne's mental ride. I had my appt yesterday morning and met the midwife. Yes, she's great. Yes, I would love to have baby there. But insurance is not going to allow it without a big price tag I just know it. With everything going on right now, it's not sane to take this battle on as well. The midwife advised should I end up at the hospital to get a doula.

I'm starting to feel at peace about it and the thought of having a doula really helps. What I really need right now is that peace. To stop freaking out about what might happen at the hospital and just trust God, that my body will know what to do. After all, at the end of the day, I can't fully control how my body goes into labor. But I need an advocate (the doula) to be beside Justin and I at the hospital. Someone who can remind me why I don't need interventions, to stand in for us if someone wants to push something on me, and to be my mind when I'm going out of mine.

I've heard only wonderful things about the midwives I've been seeing at my obgyn's office so it's not like I'm walking into some torture chamber. I might make it sound like that, but each person has to go through their own pregnancy journey. Each woman has to make the decision for herself and child about how they want their birth to be. For me, I've just learned a lot in the past 7 months that I have my convictions for what I want. I don't think any less of those who have had C-sections, epidurals, home births, and so on. We just want our babies to be healthy and thriving at the end. We are blessed now to have options and if I don't get the birth center this time around, then I know I'll have another chance again.

Whew. I had a lot to say today. Pray for us on the house decision!

The day you give birth 300,000 women around the world will be giving birth too
Imagine all of you becoming mothers together.

-From Birthing From Within